I just want to make something clear. I believe that the male should always pursue the girl if he likes her and believes he should after careful consideration (thinking). I’m not saying that it’s evil or bad to pursue the male, but from what I’ve seen in other relationships, it usually works out better. Males LOVE to pursue women. It’s in their DNA so pursuing them instead is like stealing a part of the man. Some males don’t mind and even prefer it, but usually the male likes the thrill of the chase.
Also, I believe that God is the matchmaker. He will bring the right person to the other in the proper time. That means that we don’t have to worry about who we are going to marry or if we will ever marry because God has that person for each of us. He did it with Adam and Eve, Issac and Rebekah, and many more.
Before we pursue anyone, we have to go in the “pre-pursuit” stage as I like to call it. It’s that time where you decide if the person is someone you want to pursue. I believe this stage takes place when we mature or consider relationships more seriously. In most cases, we don’t consider relationships seriously until we get to 18 years old and for some, even later in life.
I believe key questions to help decide if it’s someone that you may have a future with are the following:
Are they financially secure?
Do they have goals for the future? What are they?
Do they love God as much or even more than I do?
Does this person treat others and myself with love and respect?
What does he/she act like or say when he/she is mad? How about when he/she disagrees with something that you or someone else says?
Are they honest and trustworthy? Can you be yourself around them without feeling judged?
I believe these are basic questions to ask yourself before you take that step. That’s why friendships usually are one of the best things to have before you take your relationship to the next step.
Being in the friend zone isn’t as bad as the media makes it sound. That person will be more authentic and honest when you are friends. You can see who this person is without thinking “he/she is only acting this way because I’m here and he/she doesn’t want to do anything wrong.” It’ll be a lot easier to find out those potential surprises before starting a dating relationship with someone.
If you don’t like what you see, move on. They are not the only person in this world that you could spend the rest of your life with. God wouldn’t want you to be in a harmful relationship because He loves you. It’s not just the physical abuse. When a woman or man insults or even tries to make you feel like you are unworthy, ugly, useless, etc. it’s called abuse. It’s not a healthy relationship and you need to run in the opposite direction.
Think before you act. When a lion is chasing his prey, he has to study it’s movements and patterns which includes waiting. Waiting for the right time to “strike” (i.e. ask her out) is actually something that she will thank you for. It shows that you cared enough about her heart that you waited. Desperation and lack of patience won’t get you anywhere good. You and the other person will end up with a lot of regrets and pain that could’ve been avoided if you had waited.
When you do get to that right time, act. Don’t wait. You’ve waited long enough. Trust God with your heart by asking her out. Even if you get rejected, it doesn’t make you any less manly. It takes guts to do that and I, personally, respect the man who does that. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Either the person can’t appreciate you or they are just not for you. It’s alright. I think you are awesome anyways.
With that said, let’s say a quick prayer:
Thank you so much for creating me. Thank you for putting a desire in me for a relationship. Prepare me as I wait and take me wherever you want me to go. When the time comes, guide me. Place people around me to help guide me and be honest with me through this whole process. Give me confidence and teach me to trust in you. To trust that come what may, you are still God and you’ve got me. Thank you God for that special person. Protect and care for them while I’m not there.