Our culture is centered around relationships, specifically dating. If you aren’t dating, there is something wrong with you. For guys, if you are dating a lot girls, you are either a jerk or an idol. For girls, if you are dating a lot of guys, you are seen as a tramp (Keeping it real guys). I don’t care to discuss what is wrong with our culture or that you shouldn’t date. In fact, there’s something wrong with the people not the culture and I believe that if it’s something you want to do, you go ahead and date.
This time I want to discuss the guys and girls that go from one relationship to another. The ones that are cast aside because we forget to look at ourselves and say “Hey, I’m not perfect and neither are you so let’s hang out anyways.” Those that are rejected when others can’t understand them.
What irritates me is that those that are rejecting the person are not only those in the world, but those that are Christians. As believers, we are called to love one another in John 13:34-35: “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” It’s the only way that people will recognize us as His disciples. Yes, it may be hard, but loving someone is a choice. You choose to love and you choose to hate.
I don’t think anyone has considered that maybe that person is looking to find what they are lacking in their most important relationships. Some don’t have a loving father or mother that reflect God’s love as a parent. They may have been abandoned by their parent or parents so they look for someone that will stay with them forever. They may have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused so they may be looking for someone that will love them and protect them. Maybe they are afraid that they will be alone for the rest of their lives or that they aren’t lovable or worthy of love. There are so many reasons why people behave the way they do.
I think it breaks God’s heart when He sees that His baby, His child, is looking to fill their needs with other empty and needy people. It hurts and saddens my own heart thinking about it. What makes His heart even more sad is that those that are supposed to be His disciples aren’t showing it. They behave like God never could’ve rejected them when they were lying in their own filth. We forget that a lot.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe that anyone should be jumping from guy to guy or girl to girl, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop loving them or anything like that. In fact, it should be the opposite. We should embrace them, give them some of that love that they are missing, we should pray for them, hold them when another relationship fails, counsel them when they are in or are considering getting in another relationship, etc. We can’t just wash our hands of the person like Pilate did to Jesus and expect the problem to resolve itself. It’s just not how it’s supposed to work. In the end, it will result in another dead body.
I’m going to be completely transparent. I was one of those desperate girls that wanted to be in a relationship all the time. I was never the one that jumped from guy to guy, but I dated 1 or 2 losers that I thought were great at the time and if I had been a little more mature and, of course, not desperate, I would’ve avoided some heart ache. I know that God has protected me from myself many times. He knew that I would never make the first move on a guy that I like even if I knew he liked me. Many didn’t make a move(LOL). In fact, I’ve really only had maybe 3 dating relationships and the last one I had was when I was going into 10th grade (Yeah… It’s been a while).
Now that I’m 23 years old, I understand why I was so desperate for someone and I’ve been working in that area of my life. Every time I like someone and I don’t see anything happening or any interest, I remind myself that God knows me best and he knows what I need. If I don’t have someone, then I don’t need him just yet. If the guy that I like doesn’t like me then he’s not the guy for me. I remind myself that the Bible says that there is a time for everything in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. He’s my heavenly father so I need to trust that he has a plan and that this life is not about me, but about Him. It doesn’t matter what happens to me as long as I can help God fulfill His plan then that’s all that matters. I still want to get married, but it’s okay if I have to wait a little bit longer.
That’s my advice for those who have been in many relationships and they have all ended in heartbreak. Ask God to reveal why and what it is that’s making you feel so desperate to have someone. Once God reveals it to you, ask Him to help you work on that. Speak out loud to yourself whenever you feel you’re becoming desperate or even disappointed and say “It’s going to be okay regardless of what happens. My life is about God. He knows what I need and when I need it. Regardless of wether I get married or I don’t, I will be happy.” Trust me, it will help you out.
The Bible says “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” in 1 Peter 5:7. Don’t worry because you have a need and you can’t fix as quick as you want to (I tend to do that). God cares for you because he loves you. It’s okay not to have it all together like people pretend to have it. People may reject you, but God never does. If you ever feel rejected, remember this verse in Luke 10:16: “He who hears you hears Me, he who rejects you rejects Me, and he who rejects Me rejects Him who sent Me.” We can’t fix everything on our own so let’s put this in God’s hands:
Thank you for creating me. Thank you for this season where you have me all to yourself. You know that I’m desperate to be in a relationship, to get married, but God I know that if I do things my way, nothing will come out right. Reveal what is the need I’m looking to fill and why I’m trying to fill that need with people. I can’t understand why I’m like this, but you can. Heal any pain from past failed relationships. Help me let go and forgive those that have hurt me. Forgive me for those I’ve hurt. If I ever reject people because they are desperate for a relationship or any other reason, please remind me of this time. Remind me that you had every right to reject me, but you didn’t. You love me and you keep on loving me. I pray that I can love others the same. For now, surround me with people that love me, that will encourage and tell me when I’m doing something stupid. Surround me with real and godly friends. Thank you because you are always listening. Even when I’m not. Amen.