Raise your hand if you’ve gotten hurt in a relationship? It could’ve been by your friend, girlfriend/boyfriend, or a family member. Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s impossible for you to have lived on planet earth and have not once been hurt. If you are one of those very rare people that haven’t, then I’m very happy for you. Send me a message with your secret. I would love to use it.
For those that have been hurt over and over again, on behalf of the human race I apologize. Humans make mistakes over and over again so I can’t promise you that you won’t be hurt again. I would be lying to you if I said that you are safe. Think about it. We even hurt ourselves with some of the things we do and say.
Then how can we avoid this pain? Should we isolate ourselves? Live in an igloo in Antartica to avoid all human contact? Should we create a wall around our emotions so we can at least pretend we aren’t hurt by anyone? The answer is NO. If we hide from people for the rest of our lives, it won’t solve the problem and it will only hurt us.
According to Psychology Today,”[…]there are the emotional masks, the masks we hide behind because of fear. For example, if we are insecure, we might hide behind the mask of name-dropping. If we are unsure of our power, we can hide behind mask of being a bully. If we don’t think the world loves us, we can hide behind mask of anger.” (The Masks That We Wear) This means that hiding from people is not the solution. We need to face them and say, without accusations, you hurt me when you did this, but I forgive you.
Forgiveness is one of the most healthy things to do. Look at the Bible character named Joseph. He was traded for money to become a slave by his own brothers, but God used this to provide for his family. Joseph forgave his family. It wasn’t easy for him. He actually was pretending to be someone he wasn’t before he forgave his brothers, but he took his mask off and became himself.
Stories like Joseph’s happen all the time. Someone comes and takes something or someone away from you which hurts you. The good news is that God will use what others did to destroy you so he can build you up. Even Joseph recognized it when he said in Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” Until we forgive them and let God take care of the rest, we will never be able to move on. We will always be stuck in the same place.
I’ve been through my share of pain. I’ve had friends who at the end of the day weren’t there when I needed them. I’ve even had to forgive myself every now and then. Because of the pain and the lack of forgiveness I had in my heart, it was hard for me to make friends. Sometimes I felt alone and cast aside. I look back on it now and I realized that I have some really good friends. We may not talk all the time, but I know that they will be there for me.
My mom always says to talk with someone. It creates light in some really dark places and those that hurt you will not have power over you. There’s two ways you can discover the pain that you have hidden away for so long. One way is if you really try to look in your heart and analyze yourself. The other way is if you ask God to reveal it to you.
To live a happy life you need to forgive people. I can guarantee that you won’t be happy without doing this. You will be miserable, angry, lonely, depressed, and disappointed in relationships. God does not want us to live that way. He wants us to live they way he intended us to. He wants us to enjoy our lives and to love him.